Starting Over

Growing up, I don't think I've ever had a solid idea of what I wanted to do.  I think I started making things up to go along with others because I was ashamed to say I didn't know what I wanted to do yet I was graduating and getting ready to leave home.

One thing that always calmed me was writing.  I kept a journal growing up and although I was never consistent with many things in my life having that seemed to change all the inconsistencies.  This post won't be long because it is late and I will need to gather my thoughts and lay them out.  There is so much going on in my life and I need to get this down.  I remember how much I loved writing poetry.  I NEED TO BRING THAT BACK!!!!!!

I don't have a strong following but I plan to reach out to the one who matters the most: MYSELF.  Shock myself with my words and refresh my soul with my revelations.

Until next time (which will be really soon)...I bid myself and to all who see this a good night.

The Duke of N.C.

KingOfMe

VETERAN'S DAY!!!!!

Today is a very special day for all members of the United States military, no matter what branch they're a member of. Today is VETERAN'S DAY!!! Although I am a member of the United States Army, I do not consider myself a veteran as I do know many, many people from the past and present who are true veterans. The real ones would be the men and women serving our country in the combat zones in Iraq and Afghanistan.  I tip my hat and salute them all the way. Charles "Otis" Green.......you are missed everyday.  My other father....I LOVE YOU as the day is long and miss you every single day.  To all those veterans from so many years ago, everyday is a special day because you all did your parts to help keep our country safe at night so my generation can come behind you and take your places in our nation's defense. I feel I am doing my part to help keep our country safer at night, so my family can grow up in a world where they have the freedom and the right to be themselves, express their voices and minds freely, without the thought of having to worry about being persecuted or reprimanded. Thus is the beauty of our country....it is founded on the idea of its inhabitants being able to have the FREEDOM to pursue their dreams and be anything they want to be.

This post won't be long, but this is a shout out to ALL VETERANS all over the world.......HAPPY VETERANS DAY to all.....and to my fallen comrades-in-arms at Ft. Hood, Texas......my prayers are with your families at this time. You were taken too soon from this world by someone who did not know his way, but the Lord has called you home to be with him so you can watch over us as we make it through another day. While I did not have the honor of knowing and of you, you will all be missed so much.

LOVE!!!

One of the BIGGEST talked about topics upon this very Earth today....LOVE. So many have experienced it, felt it, embraced it, died for it, killed for it, sacrificed for it, so on and so forth....but can anyone say that LOVE really means something to them?  In this day and age, LOVE and all that it represents is used in so many ways, I won't say exploited because it's not a person or animal and in the sense of being an actual thing....I would say it is not. Now, I am sure there are some who will disagree with me upon that, and I am not entirely sure I believe myself when I say what I said a bit ago. I am acquainted with the word myself, as I too once felt LOVE in my life unlike the kind that comes from family and close friends. No, this love was different; to me it felt safe, uplifting, secure. Many won't know what this feels like because they will never have the chance to know it. But for those who have, how did it make you feel?

I know how it made me feel, and for me to share it is an intimate look into my personal world that not many are given entry to.  To feel it, but lose it is an unjust feeling. I'll say because it's not something you care to give up once you have had it in your hands, venturing its way through your body up to your heart. Losing it is a feeling all in itself..because love can be lost in many different ways: it can be taken from you, it can be lost upon you, it can be stripped out of you are just to name several of the ways I've seen love ejected from the hearts, minds, and souls of many I've come to know over the past few years.

I got my first up close and personal look into the complex world of LOVE when I first left home at 18 and went to Maryland to work for the military as a new soldier on Active Duty with the United States Army. I am now 23 years old, and as I look back over my life the past 5 years that I've been on my own..I must say that it's been quite the rollercoaster ride. I never expected to go through HALF of the things I went through to get where I am now.  Many of the mistakes I made, were because of love and being the naive teenager that I was, I felt that I was adult enough to make the decisions a grown man would make and that I was not yet ready to make myself. I don't know that the person(s) I had been with had been entirely forthcoming with me when we first met, and today, looking back on it all.....I both thank and resent those individuals for the roles they played in my life. They say you go through trials and tribulations to make you a stronger person but sometimes those trials and such should be dealt with at certain times.

I feel as though I have more of a keen eye today than I did 5 years ago, and while many will say that I am still a young man in looks and heart...I believe that my mind has matured more and I am more adept to being able to spot when something is and isn't good for me.  I am 23 years old, and many people my age are out playing the field, hooking up, laying it down, partying on a 24/7 basis. Is that the impression our generation is leaving upon our ancestors and younger generation? It appears to be so and if that be the case, I care not to be apart of that legacy.

The Month of September!!!!

First off, let me start off by saying that this month is a month of remembrance.....8 years ago on September 11th, our nation was struck by a savage blow of terrorism that we had never known before. I remember perfectly where I was that day, and what I was doing when I found out that day our country lost the World Trade Center also known as the "Twin Towers" in NYC. In all of the years following the tragedy that befell so many families, I'd never blogged about this event before. Now, it's time to pay homage not only to those who fell with their last breaths that day, but to those who helped ensure that the ones who were able to get out did get out and for the brave men and women who died so others could live past that fateful day. This isn't only to remember those who died on 9-11-01 but to those who have died in battle/combat ensuring our country remains free from oppression and terrorism.  Although I am a soldier, these civilians/firefighters/policemen&women gave the ULTIMATE sacrifice and for that, they'll always be heroes.
 
The month of September has sent many blessings my way. I am thankful for all of the things in which I've received and which I've been able to give myself. I've come past yet another birthday this year and although for the past 2 things have been so down and dark for me, I thank GOD that HE has allowed me to see yet another year upon HIS precious and beautiful Earth. So many times I wish things could be differently for me....I wish I could've been the person above the level I am at now. I feel that my chance has come and gone and I may not be able to reach that level anymore. A life of mediocrity is not suitable for me, nor is it suitable for anyone in my opinion....but I feel as though I've been living that life for so long.  I guess my real question is this: HOW DO YOU CHANGE SOMETHING THAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING YOUR WHOLE LIFE???  I am 23 years old, a member of the U.S. Army, currently in school, and living on my own. I know that I am doing better than many young people my age, and don't get me wrong I am grateful for all that I have, have been given and blessed upon.

It seems that in this day and age, a lot of things in the world do not matter to our generation when it's us who are DIRECTLY affected by most of what's going on.  Whether the effects hit us from the news/media, television, celebrities, politics, etc.  You would think with the milestone we've come with Barack Obama being elected as our 44th President of the United States, people would embrace an African-American Democrat in the White House.....but it seems that only a small percentage of our population (race excluded) feels that way. While I'll admit I don't quite keep up with the news on a day-to-day basis myself...I do keep myself informed of all that goes on around me. The biggest thing that affects me is all that happens with the military as I am a soldier 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. I have really good friends who are soldiers, airmen, marines, and sailors and with this war going on......I am always concerned about where they are when they're not stateside.

I think all of the things going on in the world today....many of them are just maddening: from huge criticism on the President's speeches to celebrity pop stars doing unscripted acts at awards shows; it leads me to wonder what goes through some people's minds and what motivates them to do the things they do and say the things they say.  We all want to believe that our parent's did their very best for us and in many cases that is the case but in others it is not. Some of this is apparent today in the people who have been chosen to be role models for our younger generation. I look at myself sometimes and wonder if ever put into that position could I hold to it and be a positive influence on boys and girls younger than me??? I don't know that I, myself can do it, but I do know of other people who have the potential to be role models and who are acting as role models in their lives right now. I am thankful to be able to call them friends because they may not know it but they inspire me to be a better person each and everyday.

While this month is only half over, some of the best has yet to be seen from me. As of yesterday (September 17th, 2009) all of my past debts have been paid off and taken care of . I am so proud of myself for doing so. I can say that I put myself in a financial hole and was able to dig myself out. All I have to worry about now are my current bills which are far and few between.

My Mom's Birthday........Big "5-3"

To my mother,

I love you, first and foremost let me say that. I know that as your son you have done the best you can in raising me and instilling all of your values, morals, and beliefs within me. I left home knowing that I was going to face the world with all that I'd learned from you, as well as all the knuckleheads in our family. I know I have had my moments of being bad, and stubborn, and uncooperative, but hey I got those traits from you and Daddy (it's true and ya know it), but no matter what I will always be your "Rhysee-Cup", as you're the only one who's allowed to call me that nickname.

I remember so much about my childhood that you made possible: all the birthdays, halloweens, christmases, parties, sleepovers, etc.....that you allowed me to take part in; all of the times when I wanted something and even though you didn't have it, you still found a way. Those are the times I will always remember, and while we're not the richest, you made it seem as though we were because you always reminded me, Warren, and Jon to be thankful for what we had, and not what we wanted or didn't have.

This won't be long, but even though it isn't, it is filled with all my love for my mom----Kathy LaVonne Cunningham.

I LOVE YOU MOMMY!!!!

THE BIRTHDAY BOY!!!!!

Today is the most special day in my life.....on this day at 12:10 p.m. I turned 23 years old. For as young as I am, I've seen my fair share of things in the short time GOD has granted me upon this Earth. For that, I can say that I have come a long way.......I am developing into the man my mom wants me to be.  Although I've made my mistakes at a younger age than I am now, I am rectifying all wrongdoings and getting myself back to where I should be. Ha, nothing like hittin your low points at a young age, so when you're older you will know what you SHOULD and SHOULD NOT do. That's what I am talking about.

Someone might think me crazy for mentioning what I just wrote, but in actuality I see the logic of learning to make my mistakes and falling on my butt and hard times at a younger age, so when I grow older, I will know where my priorities lie.  I received many well wishes today for my birthday, and am grateful to all of the individuals who took the time to bestow their blessings upon me. I will say that I was supposed to hear from some certain people but did not, which lets me know that they didn't think to wish me well on my special day.  I am not mad, but at the same time, I am not surprised neither as it will not stop me from living my life and enjoying the time that I have here.

Many of my friends, coworkers, and associates have all called me "KID", "YOUNG MAN" YOUNGIN' and such names to account for my young age; however, what they fail to realize is that behind this young age stands a great deal of wisdom and knowledge. I am grateful that I hold all of it, because I am as my mom says a smart young black man.  There is nothing that matters more to me in this world than her, and I want nothing more than to continue growing and being a successful independent man that she sees and is proud of to this day. My family matters to me, as it should for any and all people, and I want to make them proud of me, for all things I accomplish and strive to accomplish in my life, I do it to the best of my ability. I give over 100% in all that I do, because I know that putting my best foot forward means that I will get back what I put into my job or task at hand (sorry, military talk there for a second).

I want to take a moment and thank GOD first and foremost for blessing me to my family 23 years ago on this day. Mom, you are my rock, and I love you so very much. Dad, things get crazy, but I do love you with all my heart. Warren and Jonathan....you two knuckleheads piss me off every chance you get, and are always doing something to upset Mama, but that's what children do.....they play off of each other whether it's good or bad, and at the end of the day, when all else is gone, you should have your family to fall back on for support whether you need it or not. Grandma, you know very well your baby grandson loves you as the day is bright and the nights are peaceful......because you're always trying to give me something, and you know that I'll take it even though you don't have to give them to me. Anaya and Aaliyah, my two beautiful and "BAD" nieces.....you know that uncle loves you two very much, and he is always here to be there for you. Yall's crazy a** moms and dads love you very much, even though you two be acting out when they don't give you what you want, and you come running to "Uncle Adam" thinking I am going to give it to you.

To all of my friends, coworkers, associates, and those who've entered my life for a season or a reason......I have learned so much from all that I've encountered; not just what I look for in friends and potential soulmates, but what I should bring to the table in order to make my friendships/relationships work. Tim, Keith, Stephanie, Marquita, Darrick, J.R., Earnest/Tynisha, Jaymie, and many others who I may not have named.....a lot of you have been there for me, to listen to me when I gripe, to console me when I've been down, and to cheer for me in my happiest of times, and for those who have come and gone, I wish you all the best in your life. For those who are still here, I'm stuck wit ya'lls crazy a**es for the time being, but I couldn't have asked for some better friends.

As I bring this post to a close, I wanted to do something that I hadn't done all day (and I don't understand why) and that's wish myself a prosperous and blessed Happy Birthday. So......without futher ado....here's to you Adam, I mean me.....hahahahahaha

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADAM!!!!!

IN REMEMBRANCE OF A BEAUTIFUL FALLEN ANGEL!!!!

August 25th, 2001........Aaliyah Dana Haughton left this world to go home and be by OUR LORD'S side.  I'll never forget where I was when I heard that she had passed from this world. I was on my way to school and I was on the bus talking to friends when it came up. At first, I didn't believe it, but when I heard it on the news, I knew it to be true....she was truly a beautiful young black woman doing things for herself, and her fan base will ALWAYS be just as big as it was when she was with us. I know this post will not be long, but I did want to post something in remembrance of her.

Aaliyah Dana Haughton
Born: January 16th, 1979 in Brooklyn, NY
Died: August 25th, 2001

YOU ARE TRULY LOVED BY MILLIONS AND WILL ALWAYS BE MISSED BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN!!!!